An Akatsuki's Rants
by Erun1
Summary: No yaoi. It's what the Akatsuki would like to rant about! Rated M for implied stuff and swearing (i.e. Hidan). CRACK-FIC. I DON'T OWN THE CHARACTERS. PIC BY KONAN-TAYTAY ON DA!
1. Pein

An Akatsuki's Rant

A/N: HELLOOOO! Haha new idea x3!

Ok, so, fyi, wow, so many commas lol. Anyways, Rising is up for adoption...

Ok so, crackfic only! Haha, all pairings are supposed to be funny.

The first up for a nice long rant would be Pein x3 (of course) haha.

Bare with me here, it's gonna be funny. I hope.

BEGIN! CHAPPY 1!

Pein: So...why are we here again?

Madara: ...I'm not sure...

Itachi: Why are all (counts) 5 of us here?

Madara: -eye twitch- Itachi...there's only four of us...

Itachi: Really? Cause I see two of you...and Pein-sama...

Pein: -vein pops- ...

Erun: Alright...enough intro, let's get to the rant/interview!

Pein: -same eye twitch as Madara- INTERVIEW?!

Pein: So, I am here today, by Erun's request, to inform many of what seems to be confusing them.

1) MY PIERCINGS ARE NOT MAGNETIC! God, trust me! Konan has tried many times, and Madara even went as far as placing magnets in my underwear! They. Are. Not. Magnetic!

2) No, I don't use my bodies for giant orgies. I mean, really, what the fuck?! And I know I'm being all "OOC" and stuff, but I'm ranting. Rants are supposed to be angry, right?

3) I'm not gay. Ok, so Yahiko was, and he had a thing for Jiraiya and me, but so? Just because I'm in his body doesn't mean I'm gay. (Madara: I know he isn't. He's bi x3)

4) I don't have a "thing" for Hidan or Itachi. They are only my closest friends. In truth, they annoy the crap out of me sometimes. I don't know how their partners stand them.

5) Konan is not my wife, nor do I "glue her papers" all night long. (Erun: yeah, it only last an hour or two x3)

6) Erun pisses me off to no avail. Especially when she INTERRUPTS ME WHEN I'M RANTING!

7) I don't have a thing going with Madara. I will admit, yes we get together sometimes, but we take turns topping. And no, we aren't kinky. (Madara: oh, so that was the thing we were supposed to lie about. All right! -thumbs up-)

8) I hate Deidara, for the people who pair me with him.

9) I have only read the fanfics Erun decides to email me because she inserts important information in the middle of a random sentence and I have to read it all until I know the info.

10) -.- the Pein girl body was the closest ginger available. I don't molest myself at night. I think you're all sleep-deprived and need to go to bed.

A/N: ALRIGHT! I'm making the interviews last. So, I need you guys to review or pm me a bunch of questions you've always wanted to ask every character! Pwetty pwease!

I don't own Naruto...I own Kitty Pein! Meow!


	2. Tobi

A/N: Next character: Tobi (not Madara or SPOILER ALLEERRTT: Obito)

BEGIN! CHAPPY 2!

Deidara: dammit, un!

Tobi: -glomps- SEMPAI!

Deidara: O_O GET HIM OOFFFFF!

Sasori: -snickers-

Erun: Ha, Tobi x3

Tobi: Hi everybody! Tobi's a good boy~~~ ;3

1) Tobi just wanted to clear up that Tobi doesn't make squish-squish with Deidara-sempai cause it's gross!

2) Tobi's a good boy! Tobi's a good boy! Tobi's a good boy! TobiTobiTobiTobiTobiTobiTobi ...

3) Tobi wanted to say something..but Tobi forgot..what was Tobi doing here again?

4) Tobi doesn't taste like a lollipop! :C Hidan-san made sure to test that.

5) Tobi likes green! Especially scarves!

6) Tobi thinks Zetsu-sempai is really nice. Tobi likes him. -blushes-

7) Tobi can suck himself into space! -disappears-

8) ...

9) TOBI IS BACK!

10) Tobi wants to tell Leader-sama that some strange man with a duck butt on his head is trying to kill Itachi-san.

A/N: awww :3 I love Tobi. He's so innocent...

QUESTIONS QUESTIONS QUESTIONSSSSS!

I don't own... -emo corner-


	3. Deidara

A/N: yay! Lmfao xD who's next... Oh Deidarrrraaa!

Deidara: -hides-

Erun: -cheerfully drags him out of his hiding spot- aww don't be so shy.

Deidara: Dx un!

Deidara: Damn you, Erun, un...

1) I. AM NOT. A. WOMAN! God, get that through your heads, un! I do not squeal girlishly, my voice is low, and I don't wear eyeliner! Those are just how my eyes are, un!

2) Sasori-no-danna just has that title out of respect! He is not boning me, and I'm not his slave, un! (Sasori: awwww xC)

3) I hate any fangirl who touches me after thinking subconsciously about yaoi. I ain't going near you with a 20-foot pole.

4) I'm not gay. I have a thing for Konan and I hate, and I mean HATE, that pink weirdo from Konoha, un.

5) I don't "make art" with Sasori or Itachi. Or Hidan for that matter, un.

6) I don't give myself an over-under, blowjobs, or make out with my hands. -blushes- (Sasori: he masturbates, though.)

7) I despise puppies and rainbows and happiness. I'm not some blondey who's glittering gold and loves pink.

8) I'm not stupid, un! I was just born blonde!

9) Naruto and I aren't related. We just both have blue eyes, blonde hair, bad tempers, and speech problems, un.

10) I despise, and get this through your heads, bakas. I absolutely LOATH AND DESPISE Tobi, un! He ruined my badass villain appearance, un! He's so annoying, and if one person says ANYTHING about TobiDei, especially with him topping, I will rip your eyes out before blowing you up, having Kakuzu sew you back together, and then blow you up again.

A/N: anger issues?

Deidara: -fuming- ...

Erun: HAHA RFF!

Tobi: Tobi i-

Deidara: KATSU!

Tobi: -goes flying- X_X

QQQUUUEEESSSSTTTTIIIOOOONNNN SSSS!

If I owned Naruto...:

Hidan and Kakuzu would still be alive for comic relief.

Pein wouldn't be dead and he would always be following Madara around like a puppy. (arf arf!)

Madara would OWN Pein. (Pein: I hate you so much, Erun)

Deidara would be alive and blowing shit up.

Itachi-nii would be alive, and Sasuke wouldn't be so freaking stupid. I mean, seriously, Sasuke?! Really?! Baka...

Every antagonist would be killed if they hurt Itachi, Pein, Hidan, Deidara, Konan, Kakuzu, or Madara, for Pein's sake.

But do you see this happening?! No, because I don't own Naruto. Dx


	4. Hidan

A/N: So, Pein-sama, Deidara, and Tobi...hm...who's next?

Hidan: -_- -praying-

Erun: X3 oh HIIDAANN!

Hidan: OxO fuck...

Warning; Swearing. Do I even have to warn you?!

Hidan: Fuck all of you!

1) I. HATE. KAKUZU! Get that through your heads! Kakuzu can go suck a fucking cock!

2) I'm only masochistic for Lord Jashin! Fuck you, pain still fucking hurts like shit!

3) I'm fucking bi! You bitches can't tell me who to like!

4) Fuck Pein, fuck Deidara, fuck Kakuzu, fuck Itachi, fuck fish-face, fuck Tobi, fuck Konan, fuck EVERYONE!

5) I will not have fucking sex with you and then fall in love. I fuck then kill the bitches.

6) Lord Jashin has never raped me and never will.

7) If you're a fucking Jashinist, then good for you! That just means I won't kill you!

8) I will not ever love you if I suddenly see that you have a Jashinist pendant.

9) I'm a borderline, psychotic, sadistic masochist. Suck it bitches.

10) Yes, I have totally fucked Leader, Deidara, Sasori, and Konan, me topping every fucking time. What?! A guy like me needs some fucking sexual release.

A/N: Lewlewlewl REVIEW!


End file.
